by Kasumi Numatani
I attended to the symposium featuring Ms. Yuko Kawano and Ms. Amelia Fielden around translation of Kawano's recent tanka collection book "My Tanka Diary".
In fact, fundamental difficulties and viewpoints are already published in "Simply Haiku" by the translator herself. I will try to introduce inportant issues around Japanese and English tanka as many as possible from her writings and the symposium.
Tanka has a rule of syllables, when written in Japanese. but it cannot be applied so easily to English, because English is a 'stressed language', and on the other hand Japanese is 'syllabic' and if applied syllabic rule in English, the work will be too verbose. To avoid verboseness, tanka in English tends to be free from syllabic rule, but shortness is regarded more important. According to Dr. Kozue Uzawa, the shortness can be ruled by quantity of words, 10 to 15, up to 20 is recommended. This is available, I think.
On starting the work, the translator had tried to convert as it is, neither add nor subtract anything, remaining vagueness, equivocalness. English and Japanese sentences, however, grammatically takes inverse order of words, then some works could remain the order of words as it is, but some could not. This is not avoidable but regrettable for us who rack our brains for the best order to present images. And fortunately some has done, it is marvelous.
Now I introduce an issue argued at the symposium:
may 9
yama harete yama no katachi no yoku mi yuru yoki yo to nareri kimi ha kaeri ki
the mountain is fine,
its shape clearly visible,
on the lovely night
this has become
when you return home
Yuko Kawano "My Tanka Diary" translated by Amelia Fielden
Ms. Fielden admired this work as a wonderful love song. and the frequent appearance of "ya" and "ka" enlarges the rhythm of this tanka. Bytheway, why don't we remember the famous work in Man'yoshu:
yoki hito no yoshi to yoku mi te yoshi to iisi Yoshino yoku miyo yoki hito yoku mi
by Emp. Tenmu from Man'yoshu vol.1 no.27
Ms. Kawano has huge cabinet of knowledge UNDER her consciousness. Even if she never reminds of the work of Tenmu on and after making may 9's work, it it is natural to regard there must have existed somewhere in her brain. Against the table of the symposium, I lost the chance to ask the question to both. I think Ms. Fielden also knows Tenmu's work.
One more issue on this May 9's work.
An question has raised that if the 'on' on the 3rd line is necessary. I felt the same. If you want to put the center of this work on 'night' of 3rd line, you shuld not make the 'night' a part of a subordinate clause, I felt. However, this 'on' is necessary not to make this script meaningless, the translator answered. Nevertheless, the center of this work still remains on the 'night' of 3rd line, and 'this' at the beginning of 4th line represents the 'night'.
When we think how we make tanka, it is true that the center of the work need not a noun substantive, to say the truth, any parts of speech can be placed as the most powerful part of a work.
To think more about poesy in English, I asked again about that 'on' and the center of this work by e-mail and fortunately received the answer: this is a translation as a poetry and to communicate accurate meaning by prose the translation may differ. English poetry also has some rules to make a short writing a poetry. When we write tanka in Japanese, to make a center of poetry we twist grammer. I must study what is done in poetries in English. And I thought "My Tanka Diary" may be a book for well trained poets.
About misreads. Tanka often has multi meanings. Different interpretation often leads to different theme, at many cases far from writer's will. Of course it occurs on the stage of translation. Translated work is said to be another work by the translator, it is true and i think translators should not be transparent. On the other hand it is important to communicate emotions, and misread is dangerous, even between a writer and a reader who shares the same mother tongue. This may be a fault of tanka in Japanese language. And I long for new tankas in other cultures.
Another issue talked at the symposium. Tanka readers often does not evaluate the role of 'hira-uta' and tend to make tanka collection as if self anthology. How to enjoy a personal tanka collection book has not accepted widely yet. I think this is on the tradition of English poetry, which is often short and easy to recitate. On this culture it is difficult that tanka sequence widely develop. Many English magazines which accept submission tanka sequences, it should be consist up to 6 tankas. We Japanese hardly call 6 tankas a tanka sequence. I had made some tanka sequences which consists of 100 tankas. It will be my job to let the world realize how amusing long tanka sequences are, I dream.
*Original Japanese writing first published on 15 November, 2007; in Les Papiers Cyans Dec., 2008 issue.
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